boy's etiquette kit

One day, while walking into the dining
hall I'll bypass the trays and civilization-prongs and
go straight for the vats of the gloppiest shit and just grab it
with my hands and carry it back to the table, on the way
there I'll stick my head under the soda fountain and my mouth'll
look like Old Glory with all the fizz and shit overflowing, then back at the table I'll just slam the shit down it'll splatter I'll be like, “what”